Getting out of rat race

There are two ways make you better than other people at studying or any other rat race. The first one is so called competition. You should know both yourself and other competitors. You should examine exactly what you can do and what you cannot do. You should spy on what other people is doing, especially what they are doing more than you. Then all you need to do is just do what they do and even more than they do. The second way is to enjoy. Just throw yourself into the work and enjoy the process. You don't need to care about other people, but when you feel like it, you can even help them. The most important thing is that you should not worry about the ramification. Thinking about the outcome makes you raise conscious about other people, makes you fall into endless rat race again. Just imagine that you have a blue ocean which never run out of, and enjoy what you are studying, trying to connect it with your life. Then you will find yourself stand on top of a mountain where no one can reach.

Which way would you chose? It's really your call. The ball is in your court. Does the second way looks a little bit more easier? Well, I'm not sure. Maybe, if you really can find the blue ocean in yourself.

I wanna run away

I wanna run away. I wanna run away from all of my responsibilities and forget everything. I ran out of answers. I just wanna go some place where there is no one who knows me. I'm tired of dealing with people who I don't like, and I'm also tired of listening to other people's whining. In other words, I'm sick of pretending to being something positive-pretending to being a kind person, pretending to pay attention to stupid gossips, and pretending to being a diligent student. Of course, I like meeting people and chatting with them. But, sometimes, I feel like I'm losing myself. I don't even know whether my smile is fake or not, when I'm talking to other person. I think I need some time alone and stop thinking. I'm going into my own cave right now!

What I like about Americans

Even though there are many things I don't like about Americans totally base on my tortured stereotype, there is a few things I do like about them. It seems that they don't care very much about what the other people think what they are. In other words, they don't pay much attention to other person's view unless they get disturbed. Someone might say that is a little bit selfish, but Korean people sometimes cares too much about other people's subjective perspectives, especially for their appearance. When I step in my college, sometimes I'm not sure I'm in the right place. Most of the students dress really well like they are in the fashion show. Girls never carry back pack, and even boys started to carry tote bags these days. The clothes they wear and the bags they carry looks nice but very uncomfortable. I don't know to where this society is going. Is appearance really that important? I used to think that I'm not those kind of person, but this social atmosphere has been changing what I am. I started to look more often at mirror, take a look around if I were under dressed. I hope that I can overcome this problems and can live my own life without compromising what I am.

The reason why I chose to go to a teachers' college

There is just one reason I chose to go to a teachers' college not an educational university. I thought that I'm simply not good at dealing with children, and this teaching practice just proved it perfectly. When I see children--of course, they are cute--I don't know how to start conversation. When they ask questions, I don't know how to answer, either. Maybe my ego is so strong that I cannot change my standard to children's one. It's like talking to a group of foreigners.

However, this teaching practice taught me a lot. Where there is appropriate rapports in a classroom, democratic, student-based teaching will always be  successful.

The teaching practice starts tomorrow. I am assigned to the Hak-Jang elementary school, which is so far from my home. I bought a new suit, my first suit, a few shirts, a tie, and new shoes. I've been fine until now, and I just started to get nervous. I'm thinking about how to get there on time, how to make a good impression to my supervisor, and especially how to deal with those small kids. To be honest, I'm not the kind of person who enjoys challenge very much. This is because I don't want to make someone, who counts on me, to be disappointed. I've been always afraid of that. Maybe, that's why I studied so hard when I was young. I know, this time, all I have to do is just be there and observe what the kids are doing. I hope there is something I can get.

I had never thought about where I came from and who I am until I met the professor who majored in educational administration in PNU. Those kinds of questions were very hard and were not necessary to my daily life. I was too busy to do my homework and studying. People usually use the word, nature, when they encounter something they don’t know where it comes from, how it is made-human, animals, mountains, rivers, trees, sun, moon, flowers, etc. Do they just exist in the world? Have human been lived on earth since the very first time when the earth had started to exist? Can evolution theory explain everything? I made my conclusion, but it’s premature to write it now. So, I chose to study about it. What do you guys think?

Most Korean college students study because they want to pass the test and to get lucrative jobs. Everyone is so busy putting a lot of knowledge at a short time. That kind of instant knowledge can’t be mature in one’s mind and disappear rapidly. I am also in a college and study as hard as everybody does, but I’m really not sure what I have been doing is anyway related to my cognitive, mental maturation. When I read a book, I wish that I had time to reflect the book. I get really excited when I found some connection between two different subjects.

Fucking learner centered education

I’m studying English education. I had no idea what education is and how it should be until recently. Nowadays I had some chances to read and study a few books about general education, especially about modern pedagogical paradigm. There was a principle “learner centered” which totally got my attention in one of these book I’ve read. Learner centered refers to curriculum which literally moving its focus to students from teachers whose role has been traditionally a leader of classrooms. So, in that curriculum, teachers are just facilitator of the classrooms and students have more control of what they learn, how they learn, etc. At first, I thought that was a really good idea. So I decided to apply it to my student who is 5^th grade in elementary school to motivate him. I started it by going to a book store with him to choose his textbook. We took a look at many books and discussed a lot and finally bought a book. During the course of study I kept asking him how he wanted to be taught and I really reflected his idea on the course to make it more interesting to him. He seemed to enjoy it and followed what he chose to do. By that way, we finished a book and still everything seemed to be ok, at least to me.

A month ago, I found out his listening skill wasn’t as good as his friends’. So I thought I had to train him with English dictation which requires high concentration of students. I knew that’s a really old method, but it could be the best way unless he goes abroad to study. It was so hard to make him understand that he needed to do that. And because of that fucking learner centered education I administered before, now he is always looking for something fun and keeps complaining. Now, I realized that I made a profound mistake which was allowing a leaf of freedom to a 12-year-old kid. Maybe, it was me who applied the learner centered method in the wrong way, so sue me!

A Strange Estonian Girl

I met a girl whose name is Ipi on the online language exchange site. Of course I was looking for someone I can practice English with. But she was looking for Koreans who can help her immigration to Korea. I was surprised. Why on earth, an Estonian 17-year-old girl wants to immigrate to Korea? Though we exchanged 4, 5 emails back and forth, I found out a lot about her. The more I getting to know her, the more I feel comfortable about her. Finally, I was shocked that there is a person who is a lot like me live on the other side of the world! From the personality, relationship with friends, perspective of beauty to a little bit bitterness which I could grasp from her writing, we have a lot in common. For now, I don’t want her to immigrate to Korean, because the information she has about my country is might not correct. And I’m also afraid that she would be disappointed about Korea.

Juju island, island of my soul!!

Nothing can make me forget what was the Jeju island like last winter. Everything was there for me. When I close my eyes on the bicycle, cold but gentle breath from the ocean softly touched my cheeks. Thinking that my best friend riding beside me would feel the same thing, feeling that my heart was beating with his one, my world inside was spreading its wings endlessly to the outside world making connections. 

Of course, it was not an easy trip. Obstacles come to me time to time and I got over it with my soul mate. Even though I made stupid mistakes that probably couldn’t be forgivable in Busan, there was no need of apology. If you can’t make it, then we can find another way. If you don’t want to see that, why don’t we just skip it? The time was ours. And I felt like there was nothing I couldn’t do.

Now I’m back here in Busan. Every time I feel lonely, feel like I’m so vulnerable, like I’m all alone in this devastating world, I look through these pictures from this special island. Then I suddenly feel warm as if I were in the island again and my body is already full of strength to live this world.

The Jeju island, the island of dream, peace, freedom and my soul!.

The first day of the semester is always exciting. Going to classes expecting new people, new professor and interesting subject which I am going to study replenishes me with will power. Not every moment, however, turns out to be great. Sometimes I meet professors who force their students memorize everything without any inquiry to the subject. And sometimes I meet someone nothing in common with so that I have nothing to talk in an English conversation class.

  When I’m feeling down, when people stress me out, I always play the piano. When I touch the notes on the piano, which carries my emotion, all the stress melts away. While I'm playing, I think of someone I love and someone who cares about me. You don’t have to be perfect to enjoy music. Just love it. And try to be part of it. And then you can find yourself live with it.